Is it a plant...or a toy?

Now that our radishes are grown and picked, and our peanuts are grown, Zee and I need a new plant to focus on. And just in time, we found a kit for birdhouse gourds! I'm so intrigued by gourds. I have this dream of a field full of pumpkins and gourds growing all around me. Maybe it's my love of autumn. Isn't this the best season?! I love the crispness in the air, the changing leaves (something I never had growing up in Arizona), just the whole atmosphere. So when I saw the gourd kit, it was necessary, in a time when J and I are deeming everything unnecessary. I'll definitely post pictures as soon as our gourds are growing. These will definitely be the most fun of all our plants so far.

Some Changes

I don't adapt well to change, so it's been a hectic few weeks, but it's finally starting to calm. Zee's wonderful babysitter could no longer babysit her after having a miscarriage at the beginning of September. Fortunately, J was working mid-shift through the end of the month, so we had some time to look for another caretaker. It wasn't easy for J to stay awake after working a full night, but we got through it. And thankfully I found another wonderful caretaker for Zee. She runs a licenced in-home daycare and watches only one other child in addition to her own two children. So four children total with my sweet baby. It's been a blessing.

Also, on a sad note, Moose will be going to live with J's parents for a while. He's such a wonderful dog, but between work (J), school (me), and Zee, we don't have the time or energy to provide the attention Moose needs. Also, Moose has somewhat outgrown the coop. We don't have much land here, about a quarter of an acre. Doesn't lend a lot of space for a 60+ lb dog. J's parents have two acres up in Pennsylvania, so it will give Moose a lot more room to run around. I can just imagine how much he will enjoy SNOW! I'm sad to think of sending him away, though. But it will be best for all of us for the moment. And it's only temporary. J's parents said we can reclaim our pup whenever we decide to. Part of me knows that will never happen, but it's nice to know that his parents have left us that option.

Well, I have a botany practical that I need to study for!

What beats rocks?

Zee is truly a nature girl. Even as an infant. All J or I had to do to calm our upset baby was take her outside. Just the feel of the cool breeze against her body was enough to calm her instantly. It's magical, this beautiful earth, to be able to sooth an infant like that. And now, as a rambunctious toddler, my precious daughter still loves to go outside. Digging in the dirt...my sweet archaeologist. Pointing out the "tees", which are indeed bushes, not trees...my happy botanist. But the best of all are the rocks. These small pebbles make my daughter so happy. She loves to squat down and toss handful after handful of pebbles. What a miracle, all the toys our bountiful planet provides. Ahhh, my lovely geologist.

Something Cheerful

I've been having a rough day. I was in a daze all morning, and by my second class, I'd made the decision to skip my last class of the day. It's not terribly important that I missed it, since everything on the test comes from the text book rather than lecture. I am feeling much better now, but I have to keep reminding myself of the blessings in my life. It's hard to change my focus from what I don't have to what I do have, but Zee makes it easier. She had her second dental appointment today, and according to the dentist, her teeth are beautiful. That's what I like to hear! She did wonderfully and got a toy alligator for her good behavior. The alligator promptly broke, but no worries because she had her back up purple frog (which happens to be her good behavior toy from her first dental visit). Also, I needed to buy another pair of black flip flops today, since Moose had eaten mine over the weekend. If you look at my profile, you'll see that I basically live in black flip flops, so this was devastating. Okay, maybe not devastating, but it was sad. I thought I'd never find another pair this late in the year, and yes, I do wear them through the winter, freezing weather and all. Fortunately for me, I not only found a pair of black flip flops, but I found the perfect black flip flops! And they had them in brown as well, which is a bit of a departure from the norm for me, but since they're so perfect, I had to snatch up another pair. And if that weren't awesome enough, they were on super clearance! So I'm happy with that.

I was going to write about something else and post pictures, but I think I'll save that for another day, since I'm having trouble getting the pictures on here today.

Our Moose

This our dog Moose. He is a really good dog. I mean really good. He can do all the tricks, and he doesn't run away, and he's such a loving puppy. He is eleven months old and still has all the boundless energy of a puppy. I learn from him, trying to replicate in my life the pure joy and happiness that Moose finds in everyday things. Like seeing grasshoppers pop out of the grass as he barrels through. Or feeling the warmth of the breeze as he dashes into the woods. Or even just enjoying a fresh bowl of water after some intense playtime outside. Moose is pure joy. What a good dog.

The very best food....

A few months ago (it's sad, but I don't actually remember the month, let alone the day), Zee and I picked up a "grow your own radish" kit from Target. I bought it on a whim, and what a lovely project it turned out to be! Zee helped me plant the seeds in the tiny terra cotta pot, and together we watered them daily. Within days, we had sprouts! After a few weeks, the sprouts outgrew the tiny pot, so I transplanted them into a window planter, where they grew and flourished for months. J finally convinced me that it was time to pick them. I don't know why I was so reluctant.... Perhaps it was because I like seeing a growing, living Zee and Mommy project, or perhaps it is the way that Zee lovingly caressed her "fow-ers" (flowers).

I finally decided to pull the two surviving radishes today, since we now have some gorgeous peanut plants that need the space. But alas, they are now free of their earthy prison. So freshly picked that the earthy clings to their tender roots yet....

Blessings

One of my very favorite moments of the day is when I check on Zee just before I go to bed. What a beautiful, peaceful sight. Zee goes to bed fairly early in the evening, so I like to see her just once more before I go to my own bed. When I open the door and spy my sweet darling curled up in her bed...oh, my heart aches with the perfectness of it. God surely knew what He was doing when He created such a sweet little being. And to think she's all mine and J's! She is so peaceful when she is sleeping, a big difference from the rambunctious toddler she is during the waking hours. Her little sleeping body just begs to be picked up and cuddled right then and there. I have no idea where the strength to hold myself back comes from. After watching my sleeping angel for a minute, I always give her a soft kiss on the forehead and whisper my love to her. Then J and I look at each other in wonder at the grace God has bestowed us. Is there any better way to end the night?

Back to School

Well, I just started school again. I was really nervous and feeling pretty ambivalent about the classes for which I was registered, save one. But I can safely say that after two days in class, I'm really excited about every single class I'm in. My schedule includes Communications (full of freshmen, and boy can you tell), U.S. History (once again full of freshmen, and once again, you can tell), Botany, and the one class I was excited for, Reproductive Physiology. I'm going to enjoy all of my classes, freshmen and all. I like the combination of two difficult courses and two "easy" courses...it balances nicely.

Zee has a new babysitter, a friend of mine who has a son just five months younger than Zee. Zee and her friend have really hit it off, so she's really enjoying her time over there. I really like this arrangement better than where she was previously. I'm sad (in a selfish way) because my friend can only watch her this semester because she will be having another baby next spring. I'm going to be on the lookout for a decent daycare for Zee. I'm picky, so this is going to be hard!

J just got off of "fat" P.T., so he no longer needs to wake up at 4:15 am, which he really appreciates. He will be retaking his DLPT next week, so we're praying that he passes this time. Not that it matters anyway - the new test is horrible! Other than that, things are the same with him.

Moose, on the other hand, went on a two day wild rampage of chewing every single shoe he could get his mouth on. Each time J informed me that Moose got another shoe, I said it was okay, as long as he didn't get Zee's Stride Rites. The next evening, we walked in from running errands and...Zee's Stride Rite was no longer. There, lying in front of us, was the evidence -- a single sole sadly lacking the rest of the shoe. And, as if we needed more evidence then that (though I guess Moose could try blaming the cat), Moose was cowered over behind the table. The Stride Rite must have satisfied his craving - what expensive taste our dog has - because he has not touched any shoes since. We all went out and bought new shoes, so while I'm sad about our old shoes, I looked on the positive side. It was an opportunity to buy new shoes, after all. We now lock up all shoes when we leave the house. Lesson learned.

Banished

J and I were talking this morning about one of our favorite stories. I had put Zee in the bathtub (no water!) while he took a shower so that I could get a few more minutes of sleep. When J saw Ze banished to the tub, he laughed and said it reminded him of when we were in Wisconsin....

This was just last June, when I went to help J's sister with her new baby. On my last day there, J's brother W and his wife K had a big get-together. We let the kids play outside, and they were all having fun running around. Kate had a lot of fun not being the youngest (thus the bossed around one), so she was bossing Zee a bit. Since there were adults outside watching the kids, I went inside to see if anyone needed help in the kitchen. After a little while, I went back outside, and to my surprise, I found Zee in the fenced-in garden! She looked so forlorn, walking back and forth along the fence, trying to figure out for the life of her how to get out of there. I rushed to get her out before she destroyed any plants, and when I got to her, I noticed the gate was closed. I asked her, quite surprised, "How in the world did you get in here?!" Ten feet away, swinging away at the jungle gym, was my nephew, looking quite sheepish. Looking guilty as can be, he told me he and his other cousin had put her in there. Turns out that one of the other adults told them they couldn't swing if the babies were nearby. Zee had kept coming up to them, wanting to play, so finally they banished her to the garden! Poor baby! I laughed and laughed and had to tell the story. I think it's one of J's favorite stories now, even though he wasn't even there when it happened.

So, Zee was banished to the tub today so I could sleep. I guess I'm just as guilty....

Izzy's Story

Zee, this is for you, dear. I want you to look back at this someday and realize how much your parents loved each other, and how much we anticipated you. We prayed for you, and we are so blessed to have YOU as our daughter.

J and I got engaged in March 2004, days before he was deployed to Iraq. We met in Monterey, CA, in our Arabic class. I wouldn't say it was "love at first sight", but I knew there was something special about him right away. I was so happy to be engaged to him, but his deployment left me flayed open, with my heart exposed. It was really hard to handle. God really does help us through difficult times, and he carried me through this. I ended up deploying to the Persian Gulf during J's deployment, which served as both an obstacle and a relief. It gave me four months of relying solely on God to get me through, and I came to really trust the Lord. It also made my separation from J fly by. By the time I returned to Georgia, in October 2004, J and I could not wait to see each other on his R & R in November. One week before J was due to return for his two week visit, we got the hare-brained idea to get married then instead of waiting until May, when he returned for good. So, everyone rushed around like crazy for a week, then we had the perfect wedding. It was wonderful to not have to worry and agonize about every little detail. As a matter of fact, we left the planning up to J's sister and sister-in-law. I barely even had a say in things, which was a blessing because it gave me that precious time to spend with J before he had to go back to war.

We had wanted a child right away, and agonized over the decision. Even after J returned from Iraq, he was stationed in Texas, and I in Georgia (about 1200 miles apart). We both still had a significant amount of time left in the military, and we were in separate branches of the military. Getting together would be hard. Would it be fair to have a baby in this situation? In the end, we decided that we could wait...we wanted our baby! A month after J returned from Iraq, he was able to take three weeks off and come visit me. We visited family all across the country, took our honeymoon in Mexico, and returned to Georgia in time for me to start a four week Arabic course. I had thought that I wouldn't get pregnant because the timing was off, so I was very disappointed. Even so, J and I bought two pregnancy tests, just in case. On a whim, I decided to take one on my lunch break. J was with some friends while I was in class, so he wasn't there. The test flashed "pregnant" before the time limit was even up! I was so excited that I actually ran out to my car to call J, and I hadn't realized that I had forgotten to zip up my pants! I called J immediately and told him, and while he was disappointed that I had tested without him, he was so excited. I told him not to tell anyone until a blood test confirmed my pregnancy. We got the positive results the next day, and called our parents. We were so happy!

J had to go back to Texas, so we spent most of my pregnancy apart. He flew out to Georgia in August, and we went together to have an ultrasound done. We were so excited to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. Once we were seen, our little baby was being very modest! After a little walk, we went back in, and we found out we were having a little girl! Zee.... That was the name we had chosen for her. J was very nervous about the idea of having a girl, and was already making shot-gun references on the way home.

We had to rectify our separation. I worked diligently to secure a hardship discharge from the Navy, and I was praying that it would come through. After a month, the paperwork had made its way up the chain of command. I had to speak with the command master chief, who had me up in arms within the first minute of seeing him. He had something else coming to him if he had expected a docile sailor. After insulting me throughout the entire meeting, he assured me that he would deny ANY paperwork that I submitted in seeking a discharge. That left only on option: J had to reenlist for three years. As much as he hated doing it, he did it for Zee and me. Within a month, in October 2005, J was stationed with me in Georgia. This really turned out to be a blessing as well, as his old unit, the First Cavalry Division, was deployed once again, and everyone in his unit had been stop-lossed and was back in Iraq. God was looking out for us.

In December 2005, we had closed on our first house. We moved in two weeks before I was due to give birth. We celebrated our first Christmas as a family, then celebrated New Year's Eve with some friends and fireworks. I had to go back to work on Monday, January 2, and I would continue working until I gave birth. Throughout the months, I was still working on getting discharged. By this point in time, I was almost assured of a dependency car discharge (meaning I would not sign a dependency care plan), but it was 100% approved yet. I was hoping it would be approved before I gave birth, but that wasn't the plan. Again, God was looking out for us!

I had a wonderful pregnancy, and had not experienced so much as a twinge of pressure, let alone any contractions (Braxton Hicks or otherwise). Well, at 1:30 am on January 2, 2006, I woke up to some cramping. In my sleepy state, I had attributed it to period cramps. Then I suddenly remembered that I was pregnant! I wondered cautiously if this might be IT. I timed the pains, and sure enough, they were ten minutes apart. I was so excited that I couldn't sleep. I quietly got up and surfed the Internet for about an hour, then decided to try to get some more sleep, just in case the pains went away and I had to go to work in the morning. After a couple of hours of tossing and turning, I told J that I thought I might be starting labor. He basically told me that he had to work in the morning, so to stop doing whatever I was doing (timing my contractions). I told him that I just might get him out of work that day, haha! I got out of bed at 6 am, and saw that I was bleeding some. I didn't know if this was normal or not, and I couldn't get a hold of anyone. To calm myself, I made some blueberry muffins. J and I called into work and told them that I was in labor. We were planning a natural childbirth, so I had wanted to stay at home as long as possible. I was concerned about the bleeding, though.

I tried a few different things to relax, and finally I got a hold of E, who was going to be my birth partner (since J hadn't been with me throughout most of my pregnancy). Her father is an obstetrician, so she called him about the bleeding. He recommended that I go to the hospital. We got there at 11 am, and I was discharged a few hours later. My contractions weren't showing up on the monitor, and I wasn't dilated at all, so it appeared that I wasn't in labor. Except for the painful contractions I was having every three minutes! On our way home, we ate Mexican food for dinner, hoping the spiciness would get things going. We spent the next few hours at E's house, where my contractions continued to get stronger. E and J were concerned about me and insisted that we go to the hospital, even though I wanted to stay home a while longer. We ended up back in the hospital at 9 pm. I was only dilated one centimeter! And still my contractions weren't showing up on the monitor. The doctor was going to discharge me, but the nurse realized that I was actually contracting, so I ended up staying there. I walked through the hospital, used the exercise ball, tried all sorts of things to get comfortable. It was getting so painful! Finally, I asked for an epidural, but first I wanted to see how far along I was. If I was dilating, I would opt for no epidural. Once I was checked, I was only three centimeters, after 24 hours of labor. I caved and got an epidural at 4:30 am on January 3, after 26 hours of labor. I slept afterwards.

After a couple of hours, the doctor broke the amniotic sac (without my permission, which still upsets me today), and found that the fluid contained meconium. That changed a lot of the plans we had made. J could no longer catch Zee, and he couldn't cut the umbilical cord. I couldn't hold her right away. I was so sleepy that none of this registered. I just wanted to see my baby. We had one scare while I was sleeping. All of a sudden everyone rushed into our room and yelled at me to roll over. Zee's heart rate had dropped significantly, so I had to change positions. Thankfully that worked to get her heart rate back to normal, but it was very scary for a while there.

At 10 am, I was fully dilated and started pushing. I pushed and pushed for over two hours. I had no energy left in me after such a long labor, and I couldn't push hard enough. At that point, the doctor used a vacuum to get Zee out. That caused a pretty bad tear (third degree), but I was just glad to have her out. She was taken immediately by the pediatric team due to the meconium. I heard her crying, and it was such a sweet sound. I wanted to see my girl! J brought her over to me after five minutes, and I got to hold her. She was grunting and foaming at the mouth rather than breathing normally, so I asked one of the OB's if that was normal. He told me it was. Right then, the pediatrician came by and heard her grunting. He immediately whisked her away. I didn't get to see her again for nearly five hours. After an hour, I was wheeled to the post partum unit, and we passed the nursery. I saw Zee just lying there in a bassinet. I ached to hold her. After I got settled in my new room, I paged the nursery to bring me my baby. After paging them several times, they finally brought her to me. Oh, she was so perfect! I was so amazed. I wanted to nurse her, but I had no idea how, so a nurse started helping me. Within a few minutes, the pediatrician came in and told me he had to take her away. He explained that she had a pneumothorax, which is kind of a partially collapsed lung. It was caused when she aspirated some meconium. They weren't sure if she would be able to come home with me, and she couldn't room in with me in the hospital, because she needed constant supervision. I was so scared that something was going to happen to her!

In the end, everything turned out fine. Zee came home right on time, and I successfully nursed her (I'm actually still nursing her 19 months later). Her pneumothorax cleared up within the month, and her X-rays at two months showed nothing! She was a difficult baby at first, not quite colicky, but close. She has mellowed out over the first year, and is now the sweetest little thing you've ever layed eyes on. She woke up several times a night for her first year, then suddenly started sleeping through the night (I'm now convinced that it's something babies need to learn, just like crawling and walking and talking...and it goes to show that you don't have to let a baby cry it out). Parenting Zee has been a lot of work, but it had been the most perfect and pure work that I'll ever do in my life. As J said today, the work involved in parenting a child is like the work it takes to climb up to the top of a slide. Sure, it takes work, but the joy you get out of it is more than worth it.

Zee, if you're reading this, I love you with all my heart. I have tried to parent you with love and respect, and I pray that you have a happy, blessed life.

J, I know you're going to read this as well. I love you with all my heart as well. You are such a wonderful husband and father, and God couldn't have blessed me with anyone better-suited to the task of loving me. AHBK IA JWAD!

Skunks and Jelly Beans

What a busy month it's been! I finished my summer class with an A (what a ride!), so I've been spending time with my sweet baby girl. She is such a bright light in my life, always so happy and sweet. She is picking up so much now! Last week, she was playing with her building blocks and clear as day, she said, "A!". I looked, and sure enough, her block had a big 'a' on it. I figured it was pure coincidence, and that she was probably referring to the train on the block instead of the 'a'. It sounds like train, right? Then, when J got her out of bed the next morning, she said again, clear as day, "A!", but this time, she pointed to the 'a' in Army, which was written across his shirt (he had just returned home from P.T.). So, she definitely knows 'a'. I thought that now would be a good time to start working on the alphabet with her. My favorite card is the 's' card, with a picture of a skunk on it. Every time she sees it, Zee says, "Kitty!" It reminds me of Looney Tunes, where the skunk falls in love with the painted cat. I always tell her that it's a skunk, not a kitty, then she says, "'kunk!". She's just so excited to learn.

My mother-in-law just sent me a link to an article about how toddlers learn vocabulary so quickly. Basically, they learn in a bell-shaped curve. Their vocabulary just explodes at a certain point, then it slows. According to the article, they learn words in a way analogous to a jelly bean jar. Every time you speak a word to your child, from the time she's born, it's like dropping a jelly bean into a jar. Each word has its own jar, and it needs a certain amount of jelly beans in order to be full (which means the word is now in the child's vocabulary for good). So, some words only need to be repeated, say, 100 times, while more difficult words need to be repeated much more, because the "jar" is larger and needs more jelly beans (aka repetitions). Pretty interesting, isn't it? So now I'm making an effort to expand Zee's vocabulary, which, by the way, is already great for her age level. She's a very bright little girl who loves learning, so it'll be fun to teach her new words!

Fall semester starts up again in two weeks. I'm very nervous to start this semester, and I don't know why. Perhaps because the work load is going to be heavy. I'm having a hard time reconciling school and motherhood, but most days, I feel so very capable. I just ache when I leave Zee, and when I think about the toll it's taking on her. I know that I need to finish this path within a specified period (thanks to the oh-so-wonderful military who thought it was a good idea to put a 10 year limit on the Montgomery G.I. Bill). If I work hard, I'll have my degree finished by December 2009. I think I'll be taking some time off in between then, so it will probably take a few more semesters. Hopefully there will be another baby coming soon! I took a year off after I had Zee, and it was wonderful. But I also do love getting out of the house. I love school so much, so I really do consider it "me time". I feel selfish. But it's something I need to do for myself, for Zee, and for our family.

One word of thanks to God. He really does provide. I was worried about not being able to go to school this semester for several reasons, and he has seen to it that I will be able to go. Thanks to my grandmother as well, who has given me a "love grant" (like that term I just made up?) of $1000 towards tuition. I would gladly pay back the money, but she is happy to help fund my education. How awesome is that?! I am blessed.

No-Bake Cookies And Other Yumminess

No-Bake Cookies:

1 stick of butter
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup peanut butter
3 cups oatmeal
1 teaspoon vanilla

Boil the first four ingredients in a large saucepan for one minute. Remove from the stove and add the remaining ingredients. Mix well. Drop by the spoonful on a lightly greased cookie sheet or wax paper. Refrigerate until hard. Enjoy!

This is my mother's recipe for No-Bake Cookies, and I haven't found anything else that compares, so I wanted to put it on here (mainly so I don't lose it like I do all my other recipes!). J was really craving some of these yesterday, so I had to track down the recipe. I finally managed to get a hold of my mom so she could give it to me. Now I'll be able to save it and pass it on to my own little girl. She already loves the cookies, too!

We're all doing really well right now. Things are still really busy, but that's what drives us. Life really isn't anything if we don't have goals to work towards, and we're all steaming along. I think J's goal is to finish out his time in the Army with as few incidences as possible. Mine are as follows: short term is to finish this class with a decent grade. Long term is to finish my degree with honors, and possibly to attend medical school. I'm not sure what Zee's goals are at this point...probably something along the lines of learning the perfect method of convincing me to give her another cookie. I'm sure she has her own toddler goals, even though she may not be able to verbalize them quite so well. So, we're all working towards that in our lives, but also towards closeness as a family. It's hard when we've each got different ideas of what we want to do with our time. We've definitely made meals together a priority, and that helps a lot. I'm trying to incorporate Zee into meal-making. She helped me chop onions yesterday (with a Pampered Chef food chopper, not a knife!), and she really enjoyed it. It's the little things like that which make me so blessed. And the big things too.

I love J!

Oh, I feel so much better today. I don't know what got into me the other day, but I'm glad I'm over it. Zee must have gotten the "woe is me" bug, unfortunatley, as she's been whiney all morning. I finally had to put her down for her nap an hour early. But she curled right up and fell asleep without another word (or whine), so I imagine it's what she needed. J has the day off, and I don't have school, so it's nice to actually see my husband for more than a few minutes a day. He's really cute! He's lying on the couch watching television, but he has his "thinking" face on. He gets it everytime he's reading, but this is the first time I've noticed it while watching TV. He kind of raises his eyebrows and has a little frown, and he tucks his chin in. It's hard to explain, maybe I should try taking a picture. He gets annoyed when I watch him, though. He calls it "petri-dishing", and he really doesn't like it. I just love to look at my husband. He fascinates me to no end. I love him so much.

Today is a down day. It's one of those days where I question what I don't have rather than rejoice in what I do have. It seems that eveywhere I looked today only revealed all the desires of my heart that are eluding me. I tell everyone that I'm so happy for them, and I am, but not at first. At first, there's a pinch of grief that I have to shove down, a thorn in my heart. It's like the vines growing on the trees here. If I let it take over, it will slowly kill me. So, I push away the negative feelings and replace them with genuine happiness for those around me (and WHY do I keep trying to spell around with two r's?!). I want to be them, and to have what they have. But they, too, experience grief and sadness. I forget that I'm not the only one to feel this way. Why am I being so selfish today? I have a wonderful life, and a husband and daughter that light up my world, and a God who is lighting my path in this world. So why do I want to cry?

I know what I need to do. I need to forgive myself and let go.

It's been busy!

Zee and I had a great trip to Wisconsin. J's sister ended up having her baby as I was flying back home, so I didn't get to meet the littlest family member. They're doing well, though, which is great. Zee had so much fun with her cousins! She was quite bored once we returned home, but we're getting back into our groove now.

I started my Anatomy class two weeks ago, and man, it's intense! I only have a couple more weeks of class, then I'm all done with anatomy and physiology for the rest of my life. Okay, maybe not the rest of my life, but at least for the rest of my time at this university. It's such a great class, though. I highly recommend that everyone take this class. I've learned so much; it's great!

Zee's doing well. She goes to visit Owen and Tynes while I'm in class, so she's having a blast there. She just loves to interact with other children. She's such a sweet child, and sometimes I'm afraid that she'll get taken advantage of because of her kind nature. I'm glad she's not a fighter, but I do need to teach her to stand up for herself. That's going to be hard, since I have such a hard time standing up for myself. But I'm going to make sure she learns. She just loves to share everything she has. Not a selfish bone in her body, sweet little thing.

J is doing great since his surgery. He returned to work today after a month off. He started off his day with a bang. He had to take his DLPT (proficiency test) after a month of no work. Most people get a four week refresher course before the test, and he didn't have that or work to refresh him. And it's also the new DLPT V, and only five people in his company have passed it. I feel so bad that he had to take it cold, but they're not going to mess with his FLPP pay (the money he gets for doing so well on the proficiency test), and that's my biggest concern. Of course my next biggest concern is getting a contracting job next year. If he doesn't pass this DLPT, I'm not sure how that will affect him getting a job later. I'm not going to worry about that at this point, but it's like a little spur in my mind. I know the Lord will provide, so I'm trying not to worry about the future.

I have been really looking into midwifery, and I've spoken with some awesome midwives this week. I really, truly in my deepest heart want to be a midwife. I'm not sure that my dream will ever come true, since J has a lot of apprehensions, specifically about legal issues and the antagonism from the medical community towards midwifery. I just found out that the certified nurse-midwife at our local hospital has been denied delivering privileges at the hospital, which is just ridiculous! And the reason she was denied is even more ridiculous. Apparently the OB residents haven't attended enough deliveries, so they put the CNM on hold so that the residents can get their numbers up! I'm very livid over this, as I had planned on seeing the CNM once I become pregnant again. At this point, my homebirth is seeming more and more like a real possibility. I refuse to be under a doctor's care again, unless it's warranted by some kind of risk during my pregnancy. My birth with Zee was too traumatic, and I won't go through it again. I need my next birth to be a healing experience.

So, speaking of my dislike of OB's...I think I may try to attend medical school in order to become an obstetrician. I'm in the very baby stages of researching and looking into this idea, but it really looks like this is what the Lord has planned for me. I've been fighting it for the past few months, because I'm very afraid of the impact it will have on my family, but I keep coming back to the realization that this is what I need to do. I'm scared. I lack confidence in my ability to do this. But the Lord wants me to do this, so He will get me through. And I'm definitely open to changes in plans, and I won't be at all disappointed (really, I'll be happy) if this doesn't work out. So, I ask for prayers as I embark on this insanity called education!

There, I think that about catches up on everything. I'm going to make an effort to write more here, and I need to get the word out to family that this is up. I like having my own secret little blog, though, so I can vent and get out all of my feelings without anyone but myself knowing that this even exists. But it would be convenient to update family via blog entries! Well, I'm off to save the world...or not =P.

I'm so embarrassed. I really am. I don't ever want to show my face to my neighbor, but since that's impossible, I'm just going to pretend nothing has happened. I have an inkling that he does indeed know what's happening but is too polite to say anything. You see, my two cats use his yard as their extremely large and open toilet. My daughter happened to see Tango while we were eating lunch, and so I looked over. Sure enough, it was Tango. Assuming the position. In our neighbor's flowerbed. By the time I got over my shock, Tango was neatly covering up his, um, pile, and walking off nonchalantly, as though nothing out of the ordinary just happened. I hoped against hope that it was a one-time deal. I even mentioned it laughingly to my husband. But day after day, I caught both of our cats doing their business wherever they pleased, as long as it was within our neighbor's property line. I suppose this wouldn't be as big a deal if our neighbor weren't the gardening type. But of course, he is. Not the "rake my flowerbed and mow my lawn" type of gardener, but the "dig up my yard and landscape it to look as though a professional had done it" type. I was fairly certain that he had encountered some of my cats' dirty little secret in his landscaping quest, but if I weren't 100% certain then, I most certainly am now. His mother and he just did a huge overhaul of my cats' particularly favorite flowerbed, so I know for certain that he must have come across something. He is much too polite to say something at this point, and the fact is, he likes our cats. And our cats like him. Too much for J's comfort. So, we've both come to the conclusion that with as much time as our cats spend with our neighbor, he can go ahead and deal with the giant litter box issue. I know that's not extremely mature, but the only other option at this point is to keep both cats indoors, and that's not about to happen anytime soon. So, I guess we'll leave it at this non-issue issue for now. But, I'm still entirely embarrassed over the whole situation, so don't mistake my non-action for ambivalence!

It's been a while since I've written, so I thought I'd come update.

Things have really been busy the past two weeks. J and I cleaned out and organized the closet in the guest bedroom. It was no easy feat, let me tell you. Junk was piled floor to ceiling, so it took a few days to go through everything. Now it's cleaned, painted, and J put in a new shelving system. The guest bedroom is eventually going to be Zee's "big girl" room, and we'll leave the nursery as is for a new baby, so we painted the closet pale apple green. I'll eventually paint the rest of the room pale pink. We'll be doing a bird theme in there...I have no idea why I chose birds! As soon as we finished the closet, J's parents came into town for a visit. It was nice to see them for the few days they were here. We're going to have to go up to Pennsylvania sometime to see them, especially since Zee hasn't been up there yet.

So the biggest news was that J had his knee surgery on Thursday. Everything went well, but the biggest shocker: turns out his meniscus wasn't torn after all! There were some minor superficial tears, but nothing that could be repaired. So basically, the surgery was pointless. We did get some nice pictures of his knee. He's recuperating and taking it easy. He got a month of convalescence leave, so he's pretty stoked about that (of course, lol).

So, that's what I've been busy with for the past week or so. It's going to only get busier here soon, since J will have to start physical therapy, and I'm going out of town next week. But hopefully things will calm down after I return. Until then, I probably won't be on here writing too much.

My Gentle Soul....

I just want to say what a blessing it is to have such a sweet daughter. As J says, she is truly a gentle soul. One of the earlier words she learned was "jop-oh" (aka "gentle"). She'll say it while softly stroking whatever happens to be nearby, whether the cat or herself, even J or me. I love it when I'm holding her in my arms, and she starts stroking me. She looks up into my eyes so innocently and says, "jop-oh", then lies her head on my chest in her snuggle position. Does it get any better than that?

Other than being a gentle soul, Zee is very much a social girl. Even when she was a little bitty baby, about six months or so, she would get so excited to see another child. Now that she's older, every time she sees another child, she yells out, "Bay-beeeee!" Over and over. And over. And if any stranger wants to hold her, she eagerly holds out her arms to be taken away. Even though it stings just a little, I'm so thankful that Zee is comfortable around others. And she's just such a charmer that people can't help but be charmed by her. I'm so charmed by her....

Stinky Baby Feet

A few months ago, Zee stuck her feet in my face while I was nursing her, and I jokingly told her she had stinky baby feet. Well, okay, they are pretty stinky for baby feet! But now it's her favorite game to play. It started out with her constantly sticking her pudgy little feet next to my nose while nursing, but now she'll keep at it until I take a deep sniff (no faking allowed!) and make the worst face and declare, "Eeeewwwww, STINKY baby feet!" Then she sticks her leg out to J and asks so sweetly, "Dada?" J then has to do the same. He's actually more emphatic than me. Then it moved on to Zee sticking her doll's feet in our faces and her own. Now she likes to stick our own feet in her face and ours. Of course, her feet remain her favorite. I don't particularly care to sniff my own feet, but I can handle Zee's. At least they only have the baby stink rather than the adult stink. I got a whiff of J's feet today, and whew, that was NOT pleasant. But in the end, I will always like to do "stinky baby feet" because it's something that Zee loves, and she certainly gets a kick out of it (even if that kick is foot odor).

I finally found our cat, Nuggie, who's been missing for the past few days. She's so loving and friendly that all of our neighbors love her. Some neighbors even tried to keep her, but then realized that she was our cat. So, being logical, I bought a collar for her, to let everyone know that she does indeed have a home. And of course, she somehow lost her pink collar a few weeks ago. And now that she's getting all of this loving from the neighbors (and some food, I suspect), she rarely comes home. I hadn't seen her in days until yesterday. While Zee was eating dinner, she started screeching and pointing, "NUGGIE! NUGGIE!" (which, by the way, is one of her favorite words). And sure enough, it was Nuggie in the neighbor's backyard. I immediately ran over to get and her brought her inside. J and I decided to keep her in for a week or so, so that she learns that this is where she belongs. She's such a wonderful cat, especially with Zee, and I don't want to lose her to the neighbors! Yes, I'm selfish, but when you find a good cat, you don't want to let her go.

Queen Zee

Zee really has her own great personality. J wanted a tomboy, but we got all girl. One of her favorite things is to dress up. She'll scavenge the house to find articles of clothing (and I use the term "clothing" loosely!), then bring them to us. She patiently insists that either J or I put the clothing on her as she wishes. So, a pair of pants is no longer a pair of pants. Instead, it's a beautiful hat worthy of any Pharaoh's head. But the best is the crown that J made for her. All he did was tear off the end of a 12-pack box of soda then place it on her head, but she loves it. It's her crowning glory, and when she's wearing it, she adopts the regal attitude of any queen worth her title. J and I are her adoring subjects.

Long live the Queen!

On a completely different note, why are cats so gross? I know it's Nuggie who keeps bringing in the dead animals, since Tango is probably too hefty to move quickly enough to catch a turtle, let alone a bird or mouse (of which I've found dead specimens awaiting me in my house recently). Maybe the cat door wasn't such a good idea after all.

Mother's Day Gift

Happy Mother's Day!

J and I have had a simple day, which suits me much more than a big celebration. The neatest thing happened too! I'll try to post a video of it, but I'm technologically challenged, so it may not work.

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

I think that'll work ;).

As I was cooking dinner, I asked J to take Zee outside to spread old bread for the birds (something my mother taught me to do). Since Zee loves being outdoors, I figured that this would give her a little one-on-one time with her daddy, as well as give me some uninterrupted time to cook. It was the sweetest thing to see the man I love playing with the child we made. As J was tossing the bread, Zee was tossing pebbles, which seems to be her favorite activity lately. After they were done, they came inside just in time to eat dinner. About ten minutes later, I happened to glance out the back window and saw a dog in our backyard. But a strange-looking dog...a fox! I was in awe that a fox was in our backyard. I pointed and told J to look, and he urged me to get the camera. The fox could sense that we were there, so he kept leaving and then returning, very cautious. Zee saw him return once, and she pointed out the window and said, "Oggie!" She was so excited to see him, too. He seemed to enjoy the old bread. I had meant it for the birds, but I'm so pleased that a fox enjoyed it as well! He was very brazen for a wild animal, so I suspect that he has been to our yard before, perhaps for Moose's food. I hope to see him again, though. It was as fine a gift as any for Mother's Day.

I've decided to start a blog, but I'm not sure how well it will go. I've never been able to keep a diary or journal, because I lose interest so quickly. Or maybe I just don't have an interesting enough life. But now that I have a Zee-baby and my sweet husband, plus our houseful of animals, a lot more is happening. Especially with how fast Zee is learning. It's so amazing to me. So, here's the start....