Mistyfish

Today is a down day. It's one of those days where I question what I don't have rather than rejoice in what I do have. It seems that eveywhere I looked today only revealed all the desires of my heart that are eluding me. I tell everyone that I'm so happy for them, and I am, but not at first. At first, there's a pinch of grief that I have to shove down, a thorn in my heart. It's like the vines growing on the trees here. If I let it take over, it will slowly kill me. So, I push away the negative feelings and replace them with genuine happiness for those around me (and WHY do I keep trying to spell around with two r's?!). I want to be them, and to have what they have. But they, too, experience grief and sadness. I forget that I'm not the only one to feel this way. Why am I being so selfish today? I have a wonderful life, and a husband and daughter that light up my world, and a God who is lighting my path in this world. So why do I want to cry?

I know what I need to do. I need to forgive myself and let go.