Guess what today is?!

It's officially my due date! I know that it's really an estimate, and I actually expected to go over, as I did with Zee, but it's really exciting to know that we will be meeting our newest baby soon! We finished up some last-minute stuff today, mainly getting the birthing pool set up, but also buying some last minute supplies. I loved the look on the Lowe's salesperson's face when I asked for a sink adapter so that I could hook up a garden hose to an indoor sink. I know he thought we were insane! And maybe we are, but it's important to us to try to have the birth we want. And it's important to me to "heal" from my birth experience with Zee. I need to know that I can do this!

J had a funny moment at work today. He and the girl he works with (they are the only two people who can do their job) have worked out an arrangement so that they each work a half day on the weekends. Anyway, they were discussing the logistics of this arrangement when his coworker told him, "If your wife goes into labor while I'm gone, wait for five minutes, then you can leave. It only takes me 15 minutes to get there." He had to explain to her (and she really had no clue) that childbirth is not at all what is portrayed in the movies, and that he could wait that 15 minutes for her to arrive. She said she thought it would happen quickly, then was completely shocked when he told her about my 35 hour labor with Zee. I just thought it was so funny that someone, a female especially, wouldn't know that labors aren't usually so quick!

I'm awake yet again due to pregnant insomnia/having to pee all the time, so I'm trying to enjoy some last minute alone time. I love having this time to myself, just to enjoy the peace and quiet. I enjoy spending my days with Zee, though I don't have nearly the amount of energy as needed to keep up with her these days, but there really is something so refreshing about being alone for a bit. I think that J doesn't quite understand this, since he's such a social person, but God bless him for giving me what I need regardless. He's an amazing man!

I should crawl back into bed soon and attempt to sleep. I just know this baby will decide to come on a night I've stayed awake far too long. I definitely need the rest, even at the expense of my precious alone time!

So close!

So far this pregnancy has been the complete opposite of what I experienced with Zee. But now the two pregnancies have one thing in common: my non-dilating cervix. My midwife assured me that this labor would not be the same as my labor with Zee, but so far my body is proving her wrong. As much as I want to meet this baby and see her sweet little face, I am not overly anxious for her to arrive. I am content to let my uterus hold her close until she decides she is ready to meet the world. Zee reminds me almost daily that the baby will be born on the baby's birthday; it's really so sweet, and it reminds me that yes...this baby will have a birthday of her own choosing, which makes it so special. As uncomfortable as I have been, I love the surprise and suspense that come with being due any day. This little girl will be here when she is ready!

We've had a stressful month, and at times I questioned why all of these things had to pile up as my due date was so quickly approaching. I've finally come to the conclusion that a) it's better for all of it to happen before the baby is here, and b) God really is making sure that I'm prepared for this birth. I've been in a terribly negative mindset regarding this birth lately, but all of the stressful events of the month have forced me to let go. I can only imagine that it is going to help this birth to let go of the negativity, to let go of the control issues, to let go of my fears. To embrace the help from others, to realize that we are loved, and to look forward to this baby's arrival as the blessing that it is, rather than worry and stress over it.

One of the last issues holding me back in regards to this pregnancy is the fact that J and I just cannot decide on the baby's name. I KNOW what her name is...I have grown this little being inside of my body for 39 weeks and five days now (and we actually do know the exact date of conception - Happy Birthday, Zee!). I have such an intimate knowledge of her little personality already, something J just can't know right now. I know how she moves, how she feels inside of me, what positions she likes, when she is awake or asleep. I know her. I wish J trusted me with this knowledge, but instead he thinks I'm fighting for the name I want, when really I'm fighting for the name that fits her. We have agreed on several names, but when I "try them on", they just don't work for her. So, one of my deepest desires at this moment is that once she is here in my arms, J will realize that this is our daughter, and that this is her name.

And just for reference, I'm not stressing over the name just for the name's sake, but we need a birth certificate as soon as possible in order to enroll her in the military's healthcare system so she can be seen immediately and have her newborn testing done. This part of planning a homebirth is a little more stressful (since I won't have the hospital taking care of it all), but it will be worth it to have a triumphant birth!

That was really rambly, but I feel like I need to get everything out, to help let go and welcome this baby properly. My mind has been spinning, and it's finally releasing all of the negativity that has been recently hanging out there.

Growing Up

Zee started her first day of pre-preschool today. Okay, so it's actually a Mother's Day Out program, but they do follow a curriculum and attempt to educate the littlies. Zee was so very excited about packing and carrying her lunchbox, which is probably the coolest thing ever when it comes to starting school. She also didn't cry at all at drop-off, even though the rest of the class was. She definitely has her mommy's attitude regarding school - she LOVES it! I'm so proud =).

On that note, I'm not sure how I feel about the whole preschool thing. J and I have been seriously considering homeschooling our children, but I can't seem to resist the pull of traditional schooling. Maybe it's because I remember preschool and how much I loved it. Maybe it's because I lack confidence in my ability to actually educate my little people and prepare them for the world. I don't know, but I find that I'm having a hard time getting out of the traditional school mindset. Especially when I see how excited my little girl is about going to school.


Some new Izziosyncrasies:
--It's become a tradition that Joel and I take Izzy to see the horses on base after we drop off our recyclables, but yesterday, after taking her to see the horses and asking if she would like to ride one someday, she announced, "I gonna be a COWBOY!"

--Last week, while driving home from JoAnn Fabrics, Izzy randomly informed me, "My eyes are brownies!" It made my bad day so much better *heart*.

--Three weeks ago, after Joel had to slam on the brakes when traffic suddenly went from 65 to 0, Izzy shouted out, "HOLY CRAP!" Then after noting the amount of laughter that caused, shouted out again, "Holy crap, Dad!" It's time for me to start thinking about what I say around her....


Anyway, now that Izzy has started school twice a week and this baby has not made her appearance (though she is very welcome to come anytime after tomorrow!), I might actually be able to start focusing on this blog a little more. I always have things I want to write so I can look back and remember these sweet days, but it's really hard to find the time to do so.