Something Cheerful

I've been having a rough day. I was in a daze all morning, and by my second class, I'd made the decision to skip my last class of the day. It's not terribly important that I missed it, since everything on the test comes from the text book rather than lecture. I am feeling much better now, but I have to keep reminding myself of the blessings in my life. It's hard to change my focus from what I don't have to what I do have, but Zee makes it easier. She had her second dental appointment today, and according to the dentist, her teeth are beautiful. That's what I like to hear! She did wonderfully and got a toy alligator for her good behavior. The alligator promptly broke, but no worries because she had her back up purple frog (which happens to be her good behavior toy from her first dental visit). Also, I needed to buy another pair of black flip flops today, since Moose had eaten mine over the weekend. If you look at my profile, you'll see that I basically live in black flip flops, so this was devastating. Okay, maybe not devastating, but it was sad. I thought I'd never find another pair this late in the year, and yes, I do wear them through the winter, freezing weather and all. Fortunately for me, I not only found a pair of black flip flops, but I found the perfect black flip flops! And they had them in brown as well, which is a bit of a departure from the norm for me, but since they're so perfect, I had to snatch up another pair. And if that weren't awesome enough, they were on super clearance! So I'm happy with that.

I was going to write about something else and post pictures, but I think I'll save that for another day, since I'm having trouble getting the pictures on here today.

Our Moose

This our dog Moose. He is a really good dog. I mean really good. He can do all the tricks, and he doesn't run away, and he's such a loving puppy. He is eleven months old and still has all the boundless energy of a puppy. I learn from him, trying to replicate in my life the pure joy and happiness that Moose finds in everyday things. Like seeing grasshoppers pop out of the grass as he barrels through. Or feeling the warmth of the breeze as he dashes into the woods. Or even just enjoying a fresh bowl of water after some intense playtime outside. Moose is pure joy. What a good dog.

The very best food....

A few months ago (it's sad, but I don't actually remember the month, let alone the day), Zee and I picked up a "grow your own radish" kit from Target. I bought it on a whim, and what a lovely project it turned out to be! Zee helped me plant the seeds in the tiny terra cotta pot, and together we watered them daily. Within days, we had sprouts! After a few weeks, the sprouts outgrew the tiny pot, so I transplanted them into a window planter, where they grew and flourished for months. J finally convinced me that it was time to pick them. I don't know why I was so reluctant.... Perhaps it was because I like seeing a growing, living Zee and Mommy project, or perhaps it is the way that Zee lovingly caressed her "fow-ers" (flowers).

I finally decided to pull the two surviving radishes today, since we now have some gorgeous peanut plants that need the space. But alas, they are now free of their earthy prison. So freshly picked that the earthy clings to their tender roots yet....

Blessings

One of my very favorite moments of the day is when I check on Zee just before I go to bed. What a beautiful, peaceful sight. Zee goes to bed fairly early in the evening, so I like to see her just once more before I go to my own bed. When I open the door and spy my sweet darling curled up in her bed...oh, my heart aches with the perfectness of it. God surely knew what He was doing when He created such a sweet little being. And to think she's all mine and J's! She is so peaceful when she is sleeping, a big difference from the rambunctious toddler she is during the waking hours. Her little sleeping body just begs to be picked up and cuddled right then and there. I have no idea where the strength to hold myself back comes from. After watching my sleeping angel for a minute, I always give her a soft kiss on the forehead and whisper my love to her. Then J and I look at each other in wonder at the grace God has bestowed us. Is there any better way to end the night?

Back to School

Well, I just started school again. I was really nervous and feeling pretty ambivalent about the classes for which I was registered, save one. But I can safely say that after two days in class, I'm really excited about every single class I'm in. My schedule includes Communications (full of freshmen, and boy can you tell), U.S. History (once again full of freshmen, and once again, you can tell), Botany, and the one class I was excited for, Reproductive Physiology. I'm going to enjoy all of my classes, freshmen and all. I like the combination of two difficult courses and two "easy" courses...it balances nicely.

Zee has a new babysitter, a friend of mine who has a son just five months younger than Zee. Zee and her friend have really hit it off, so she's really enjoying her time over there. I really like this arrangement better than where she was previously. I'm sad (in a selfish way) because my friend can only watch her this semester because she will be having another baby next spring. I'm going to be on the lookout for a decent daycare for Zee. I'm picky, so this is going to be hard!

J just got off of "fat" P.T., so he no longer needs to wake up at 4:15 am, which he really appreciates. He will be retaking his DLPT next week, so we're praying that he passes this time. Not that it matters anyway - the new test is horrible! Other than that, things are the same with him.

Moose, on the other hand, went on a two day wild rampage of chewing every single shoe he could get his mouth on. Each time J informed me that Moose got another shoe, I said it was okay, as long as he didn't get Zee's Stride Rites. The next evening, we walked in from running errands and...Zee's Stride Rite was no longer. There, lying in front of us, was the evidence -- a single sole sadly lacking the rest of the shoe. And, as if we needed more evidence then that (though I guess Moose could try blaming the cat), Moose was cowered over behind the table. The Stride Rite must have satisfied his craving - what expensive taste our dog has - because he has not touched any shoes since. We all went out and bought new shoes, so while I'm sad about our old shoes, I looked on the positive side. It was an opportunity to buy new shoes, after all. We now lock up all shoes when we leave the house. Lesson learned.

Banished

J and I were talking this morning about one of our favorite stories. I had put Zee in the bathtub (no water!) while he took a shower so that I could get a few more minutes of sleep. When J saw Ze banished to the tub, he laughed and said it reminded him of when we were in Wisconsin....

This was just last June, when I went to help J's sister with her new baby. On my last day there, J's brother W and his wife K had a big get-together. We let the kids play outside, and they were all having fun running around. Kate had a lot of fun not being the youngest (thus the bossed around one), so she was bossing Zee a bit. Since there were adults outside watching the kids, I went inside to see if anyone needed help in the kitchen. After a little while, I went back outside, and to my surprise, I found Zee in the fenced-in garden! She looked so forlorn, walking back and forth along the fence, trying to figure out for the life of her how to get out of there. I rushed to get her out before she destroyed any plants, and when I got to her, I noticed the gate was closed. I asked her, quite surprised, "How in the world did you get in here?!" Ten feet away, swinging away at the jungle gym, was my nephew, looking quite sheepish. Looking guilty as can be, he told me he and his other cousin had put her in there. Turns out that one of the other adults told them they couldn't swing if the babies were nearby. Zee had kept coming up to them, wanting to play, so finally they banished her to the garden! Poor baby! I laughed and laughed and had to tell the story. I think it's one of J's favorite stories now, even though he wasn't even there when it happened.

So, Zee was banished to the tub today so I could sleep. I guess I'm just as guilty....

Izzy's Story

Zee, this is for you, dear. I want you to look back at this someday and realize how much your parents loved each other, and how much we anticipated you. We prayed for you, and we are so blessed to have YOU as our daughter.

J and I got engaged in March 2004, days before he was deployed to Iraq. We met in Monterey, CA, in our Arabic class. I wouldn't say it was "love at first sight", but I knew there was something special about him right away. I was so happy to be engaged to him, but his deployment left me flayed open, with my heart exposed. It was really hard to handle. God really does help us through difficult times, and he carried me through this. I ended up deploying to the Persian Gulf during J's deployment, which served as both an obstacle and a relief. It gave me four months of relying solely on God to get me through, and I came to really trust the Lord. It also made my separation from J fly by. By the time I returned to Georgia, in October 2004, J and I could not wait to see each other on his R & R in November. One week before J was due to return for his two week visit, we got the hare-brained idea to get married then instead of waiting until May, when he returned for good. So, everyone rushed around like crazy for a week, then we had the perfect wedding. It was wonderful to not have to worry and agonize about every little detail. As a matter of fact, we left the planning up to J's sister and sister-in-law. I barely even had a say in things, which was a blessing because it gave me that precious time to spend with J before he had to go back to war.

We had wanted a child right away, and agonized over the decision. Even after J returned from Iraq, he was stationed in Texas, and I in Georgia (about 1200 miles apart). We both still had a significant amount of time left in the military, and we were in separate branches of the military. Getting together would be hard. Would it be fair to have a baby in this situation? In the end, we decided that we could wait...we wanted our baby! A month after J returned from Iraq, he was able to take three weeks off and come visit me. We visited family all across the country, took our honeymoon in Mexico, and returned to Georgia in time for me to start a four week Arabic course. I had thought that I wouldn't get pregnant because the timing was off, so I was very disappointed. Even so, J and I bought two pregnancy tests, just in case. On a whim, I decided to take one on my lunch break. J was with some friends while I was in class, so he wasn't there. The test flashed "pregnant" before the time limit was even up! I was so excited that I actually ran out to my car to call J, and I hadn't realized that I had forgotten to zip up my pants! I called J immediately and told him, and while he was disappointed that I had tested without him, he was so excited. I told him not to tell anyone until a blood test confirmed my pregnancy. We got the positive results the next day, and called our parents. We were so happy!

J had to go back to Texas, so we spent most of my pregnancy apart. He flew out to Georgia in August, and we went together to have an ultrasound done. We were so excited to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. Once we were seen, our little baby was being very modest! After a little walk, we went back in, and we found out we were having a little girl! Zee.... That was the name we had chosen for her. J was very nervous about the idea of having a girl, and was already making shot-gun references on the way home.

We had to rectify our separation. I worked diligently to secure a hardship discharge from the Navy, and I was praying that it would come through. After a month, the paperwork had made its way up the chain of command. I had to speak with the command master chief, who had me up in arms within the first minute of seeing him. He had something else coming to him if he had expected a docile sailor. After insulting me throughout the entire meeting, he assured me that he would deny ANY paperwork that I submitted in seeking a discharge. That left only on option: J had to reenlist for three years. As much as he hated doing it, he did it for Zee and me. Within a month, in October 2005, J was stationed with me in Georgia. This really turned out to be a blessing as well, as his old unit, the First Cavalry Division, was deployed once again, and everyone in his unit had been stop-lossed and was back in Iraq. God was looking out for us.

In December 2005, we had closed on our first house. We moved in two weeks before I was due to give birth. We celebrated our first Christmas as a family, then celebrated New Year's Eve with some friends and fireworks. I had to go back to work on Monday, January 2, and I would continue working until I gave birth. Throughout the months, I was still working on getting discharged. By this point in time, I was almost assured of a dependency car discharge (meaning I would not sign a dependency care plan), but it was 100% approved yet. I was hoping it would be approved before I gave birth, but that wasn't the plan. Again, God was looking out for us!

I had a wonderful pregnancy, and had not experienced so much as a twinge of pressure, let alone any contractions (Braxton Hicks or otherwise). Well, at 1:30 am on January 2, 2006, I woke up to some cramping. In my sleepy state, I had attributed it to period cramps. Then I suddenly remembered that I was pregnant! I wondered cautiously if this might be IT. I timed the pains, and sure enough, they were ten minutes apart. I was so excited that I couldn't sleep. I quietly got up and surfed the Internet for about an hour, then decided to try to get some more sleep, just in case the pains went away and I had to go to work in the morning. After a couple of hours of tossing and turning, I told J that I thought I might be starting labor. He basically told me that he had to work in the morning, so to stop doing whatever I was doing (timing my contractions). I told him that I just might get him out of work that day, haha! I got out of bed at 6 am, and saw that I was bleeding some. I didn't know if this was normal or not, and I couldn't get a hold of anyone. To calm myself, I made some blueberry muffins. J and I called into work and told them that I was in labor. We were planning a natural childbirth, so I had wanted to stay at home as long as possible. I was concerned about the bleeding, though.

I tried a few different things to relax, and finally I got a hold of E, who was going to be my birth partner (since J hadn't been with me throughout most of my pregnancy). Her father is an obstetrician, so she called him about the bleeding. He recommended that I go to the hospital. We got there at 11 am, and I was discharged a few hours later. My contractions weren't showing up on the monitor, and I wasn't dilated at all, so it appeared that I wasn't in labor. Except for the painful contractions I was having every three minutes! On our way home, we ate Mexican food for dinner, hoping the spiciness would get things going. We spent the next few hours at E's house, where my contractions continued to get stronger. E and J were concerned about me and insisted that we go to the hospital, even though I wanted to stay home a while longer. We ended up back in the hospital at 9 pm. I was only dilated one centimeter! And still my contractions weren't showing up on the monitor. The doctor was going to discharge me, but the nurse realized that I was actually contracting, so I ended up staying there. I walked through the hospital, used the exercise ball, tried all sorts of things to get comfortable. It was getting so painful! Finally, I asked for an epidural, but first I wanted to see how far along I was. If I was dilating, I would opt for no epidural. Once I was checked, I was only three centimeters, after 24 hours of labor. I caved and got an epidural at 4:30 am on January 3, after 26 hours of labor. I slept afterwards.

After a couple of hours, the doctor broke the amniotic sac (without my permission, which still upsets me today), and found that the fluid contained meconium. That changed a lot of the plans we had made. J could no longer catch Zee, and he couldn't cut the umbilical cord. I couldn't hold her right away. I was so sleepy that none of this registered. I just wanted to see my baby. We had one scare while I was sleeping. All of a sudden everyone rushed into our room and yelled at me to roll over. Zee's heart rate had dropped significantly, so I had to change positions. Thankfully that worked to get her heart rate back to normal, but it was very scary for a while there.

At 10 am, I was fully dilated and started pushing. I pushed and pushed for over two hours. I had no energy left in me after such a long labor, and I couldn't push hard enough. At that point, the doctor used a vacuum to get Zee out. That caused a pretty bad tear (third degree), but I was just glad to have her out. She was taken immediately by the pediatric team due to the meconium. I heard her crying, and it was such a sweet sound. I wanted to see my girl! J brought her over to me after five minutes, and I got to hold her. She was grunting and foaming at the mouth rather than breathing normally, so I asked one of the OB's if that was normal. He told me it was. Right then, the pediatrician came by and heard her grunting. He immediately whisked her away. I didn't get to see her again for nearly five hours. After an hour, I was wheeled to the post partum unit, and we passed the nursery. I saw Zee just lying there in a bassinet. I ached to hold her. After I got settled in my new room, I paged the nursery to bring me my baby. After paging them several times, they finally brought her to me. Oh, she was so perfect! I was so amazed. I wanted to nurse her, but I had no idea how, so a nurse started helping me. Within a few minutes, the pediatrician came in and told me he had to take her away. He explained that she had a pneumothorax, which is kind of a partially collapsed lung. It was caused when she aspirated some meconium. They weren't sure if she would be able to come home with me, and she couldn't room in with me in the hospital, because she needed constant supervision. I was so scared that something was going to happen to her!

In the end, everything turned out fine. Zee came home right on time, and I successfully nursed her (I'm actually still nursing her 19 months later). Her pneumothorax cleared up within the month, and her X-rays at two months showed nothing! She was a difficult baby at first, not quite colicky, but close. She has mellowed out over the first year, and is now the sweetest little thing you've ever layed eyes on. She woke up several times a night for her first year, then suddenly started sleeping through the night (I'm now convinced that it's something babies need to learn, just like crawling and walking and talking...and it goes to show that you don't have to let a baby cry it out). Parenting Zee has been a lot of work, but it had been the most perfect and pure work that I'll ever do in my life. As J said today, the work involved in parenting a child is like the work it takes to climb up to the top of a slide. Sure, it takes work, but the joy you get out of it is more than worth it.

Zee, if you're reading this, I love you with all my heart. I have tried to parent you with love and respect, and I pray that you have a happy, blessed life.

J, I know you're going to read this as well. I love you with all my heart as well. You are such a wonderful husband and father, and God couldn't have blessed me with anyone better-suited to the task of loving me. AHBK IA JWAD!