Skunks and Jelly Beans

What a busy month it's been! I finished my summer class with an A (what a ride!), so I've been spending time with my sweet baby girl. She is such a bright light in my life, always so happy and sweet. She is picking up so much now! Last week, she was playing with her building blocks and clear as day, she said, "A!". I looked, and sure enough, her block had a big 'a' on it. I figured it was pure coincidence, and that she was probably referring to the train on the block instead of the 'a'. It sounds like train, right? Then, when J got her out of bed the next morning, she said again, clear as day, "A!", but this time, she pointed to the 'a' in Army, which was written across his shirt (he had just returned home from P.T.). So, she definitely knows 'a'. I thought that now would be a good time to start working on the alphabet with her. My favorite card is the 's' card, with a picture of a skunk on it. Every time she sees it, Zee says, "Kitty!" It reminds me of Looney Tunes, where the skunk falls in love with the painted cat. I always tell her that it's a skunk, not a kitty, then she says, "'kunk!". She's just so excited to learn.

My mother-in-law just sent me a link to an article about how toddlers learn vocabulary so quickly. Basically, they learn in a bell-shaped curve. Their vocabulary just explodes at a certain point, then it slows. According to the article, they learn words in a way analogous to a jelly bean jar. Every time you speak a word to your child, from the time she's born, it's like dropping a jelly bean into a jar. Each word has its own jar, and it needs a certain amount of jelly beans in order to be full (which means the word is now in the child's vocabulary for good). So, some words only need to be repeated, say, 100 times, while more difficult words need to be repeated much more, because the "jar" is larger and needs more jelly beans (aka repetitions). Pretty interesting, isn't it? So now I'm making an effort to expand Zee's vocabulary, which, by the way, is already great for her age level. She's a very bright little girl who loves learning, so it'll be fun to teach her new words!

Fall semester starts up again in two weeks. I'm very nervous to start this semester, and I don't know why. Perhaps because the work load is going to be heavy. I'm having a hard time reconciling school and motherhood, but most days, I feel so very capable. I just ache when I leave Zee, and when I think about the toll it's taking on her. I know that I need to finish this path within a specified period (thanks to the oh-so-wonderful military who thought it was a good idea to put a 10 year limit on the Montgomery G.I. Bill). If I work hard, I'll have my degree finished by December 2009. I think I'll be taking some time off in between then, so it will probably take a few more semesters. Hopefully there will be another baby coming soon! I took a year off after I had Zee, and it was wonderful. But I also do love getting out of the house. I love school so much, so I really do consider it "me time". I feel selfish. But it's something I need to do for myself, for Zee, and for our family.

One word of thanks to God. He really does provide. I was worried about not being able to go to school this semester for several reasons, and he has seen to it that I will be able to go. Thanks to my grandmother as well, who has given me a "love grant" (like that term I just made up?) of $1000 towards tuition. I would gladly pay back the money, but she is happy to help fund my education. How awesome is that?! I am blessed.

No-Bake Cookies And Other Yumminess

No-Bake Cookies:

1 stick of butter
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup peanut butter
3 cups oatmeal
1 teaspoon vanilla

Boil the first four ingredients in a large saucepan for one minute. Remove from the stove and add the remaining ingredients. Mix well. Drop by the spoonful on a lightly greased cookie sheet or wax paper. Refrigerate until hard. Enjoy!

This is my mother's recipe for No-Bake Cookies, and I haven't found anything else that compares, so I wanted to put it on here (mainly so I don't lose it like I do all my other recipes!). J was really craving some of these yesterday, so I had to track down the recipe. I finally managed to get a hold of my mom so she could give it to me. Now I'll be able to save it and pass it on to my own little girl. She already loves the cookies, too!

We're all doing really well right now. Things are still really busy, but that's what drives us. Life really isn't anything if we don't have goals to work towards, and we're all steaming along. I think J's goal is to finish out his time in the Army with as few incidences as possible. Mine are as follows: short term is to finish this class with a decent grade. Long term is to finish my degree with honors, and possibly to attend medical school. I'm not sure what Zee's goals are at this point...probably something along the lines of learning the perfect method of convincing me to give her another cookie. I'm sure she has her own toddler goals, even though she may not be able to verbalize them quite so well. So, we're all working towards that in our lives, but also towards closeness as a family. It's hard when we've each got different ideas of what we want to do with our time. We've definitely made meals together a priority, and that helps a lot. I'm trying to incorporate Zee into meal-making. She helped me chop onions yesterday (with a Pampered Chef food chopper, not a knife!), and she really enjoyed it. It's the little things like that which make me so blessed. And the big things too.

I love J!

Oh, I feel so much better today. I don't know what got into me the other day, but I'm glad I'm over it. Zee must have gotten the "woe is me" bug, unfortunatley, as she's been whiney all morning. I finally had to put her down for her nap an hour early. But she curled right up and fell asleep without another word (or whine), so I imagine it's what she needed. J has the day off, and I don't have school, so it's nice to actually see my husband for more than a few minutes a day. He's really cute! He's lying on the couch watching television, but he has his "thinking" face on. He gets it everytime he's reading, but this is the first time I've noticed it while watching TV. He kind of raises his eyebrows and has a little frown, and he tucks his chin in. It's hard to explain, maybe I should try taking a picture. He gets annoyed when I watch him, though. He calls it "petri-dishing", and he really doesn't like it. I just love to look at my husband. He fascinates me to no end. I love him so much.

Today is a down day. It's one of those days where I question what I don't have rather than rejoice in what I do have. It seems that eveywhere I looked today only revealed all the desires of my heart that are eluding me. I tell everyone that I'm so happy for them, and I am, but not at first. At first, there's a pinch of grief that I have to shove down, a thorn in my heart. It's like the vines growing on the trees here. If I let it take over, it will slowly kill me. So, I push away the negative feelings and replace them with genuine happiness for those around me (and WHY do I keep trying to spell around with two r's?!). I want to be them, and to have what they have. But they, too, experience grief and sadness. I forget that I'm not the only one to feel this way. Why am I being so selfish today? I have a wonderful life, and a husband and daughter that light up my world, and a God who is lighting my path in this world. So why do I want to cry?

I know what I need to do. I need to forgive myself and let go.

It's been busy!

Zee and I had a great trip to Wisconsin. J's sister ended up having her baby as I was flying back home, so I didn't get to meet the littlest family member. They're doing well, though, which is great. Zee had so much fun with her cousins! She was quite bored once we returned home, but we're getting back into our groove now.

I started my Anatomy class two weeks ago, and man, it's intense! I only have a couple more weeks of class, then I'm all done with anatomy and physiology for the rest of my life. Okay, maybe not the rest of my life, but at least for the rest of my time at this university. It's such a great class, though. I highly recommend that everyone take this class. I've learned so much; it's great!

Zee's doing well. She goes to visit Owen and Tynes while I'm in class, so she's having a blast there. She just loves to interact with other children. She's such a sweet child, and sometimes I'm afraid that she'll get taken advantage of because of her kind nature. I'm glad she's not a fighter, but I do need to teach her to stand up for herself. That's going to be hard, since I have such a hard time standing up for myself. But I'm going to make sure she learns. She just loves to share everything she has. Not a selfish bone in her body, sweet little thing.

J is doing great since his surgery. He returned to work today after a month off. He started off his day with a bang. He had to take his DLPT (proficiency test) after a month of no work. Most people get a four week refresher course before the test, and he didn't have that or work to refresh him. And it's also the new DLPT V, and only five people in his company have passed it. I feel so bad that he had to take it cold, but they're not going to mess with his FLPP pay (the money he gets for doing so well on the proficiency test), and that's my biggest concern. Of course my next biggest concern is getting a contracting job next year. If he doesn't pass this DLPT, I'm not sure how that will affect him getting a job later. I'm not going to worry about that at this point, but it's like a little spur in my mind. I know the Lord will provide, so I'm trying not to worry about the future.

I have been really looking into midwifery, and I've spoken with some awesome midwives this week. I really, truly in my deepest heart want to be a midwife. I'm not sure that my dream will ever come true, since J has a lot of apprehensions, specifically about legal issues and the antagonism from the medical community towards midwifery. I just found out that the certified nurse-midwife at our local hospital has been denied delivering privileges at the hospital, which is just ridiculous! And the reason she was denied is even more ridiculous. Apparently the OB residents haven't attended enough deliveries, so they put the CNM on hold so that the residents can get their numbers up! I'm very livid over this, as I had planned on seeing the CNM once I become pregnant again. At this point, my homebirth is seeming more and more like a real possibility. I refuse to be under a doctor's care again, unless it's warranted by some kind of risk during my pregnancy. My birth with Zee was too traumatic, and I won't go through it again. I need my next birth to be a healing experience.

So, speaking of my dislike of OB's...I think I may try to attend medical school in order to become an obstetrician. I'm in the very baby stages of researching and looking into this idea, but it really looks like this is what the Lord has planned for me. I've been fighting it for the past few months, because I'm very afraid of the impact it will have on my family, but I keep coming back to the realization that this is what I need to do. I'm scared. I lack confidence in my ability to do this. But the Lord wants me to do this, so He will get me through. And I'm definitely open to changes in plans, and I won't be at all disappointed (really, I'll be happy) if this doesn't work out. So, I ask for prayers as I embark on this insanity called education!

There, I think that about catches up on everything. I'm going to make an effort to write more here, and I need to get the word out to family that this is up. I like having my own secret little blog, though, so I can vent and get out all of my feelings without anyone but myself knowing that this even exists. But it would be convenient to update family via blog entries! Well, I'm off to save the world...or not =P.

I'm so embarrassed. I really am. I don't ever want to show my face to my neighbor, but since that's impossible, I'm just going to pretend nothing has happened. I have an inkling that he does indeed know what's happening but is too polite to say anything. You see, my two cats use his yard as their extremely large and open toilet. My daughter happened to see Tango while we were eating lunch, and so I looked over. Sure enough, it was Tango. Assuming the position. In our neighbor's flowerbed. By the time I got over my shock, Tango was neatly covering up his, um, pile, and walking off nonchalantly, as though nothing out of the ordinary just happened. I hoped against hope that it was a one-time deal. I even mentioned it laughingly to my husband. But day after day, I caught both of our cats doing their business wherever they pleased, as long as it was within our neighbor's property line. I suppose this wouldn't be as big a deal if our neighbor weren't the gardening type. But of course, he is. Not the "rake my flowerbed and mow my lawn" type of gardener, but the "dig up my yard and landscape it to look as though a professional had done it" type. I was fairly certain that he had encountered some of my cats' dirty little secret in his landscaping quest, but if I weren't 100% certain then, I most certainly am now. His mother and he just did a huge overhaul of my cats' particularly favorite flowerbed, so I know for certain that he must have come across something. He is much too polite to say something at this point, and the fact is, he likes our cats. And our cats like him. Too much for J's comfort. So, we've both come to the conclusion that with as much time as our cats spend with our neighbor, he can go ahead and deal with the giant litter box issue. I know that's not extremely mature, but the only other option at this point is to keep both cats indoors, and that's not about to happen anytime soon. So, I guess we'll leave it at this non-issue issue for now. But, I'm still entirely embarrassed over the whole situation, so don't mistake my non-action for ambivalence!

It's been a while since I've written, so I thought I'd come update.

Things have really been busy the past two weeks. J and I cleaned out and organized the closet in the guest bedroom. It was no easy feat, let me tell you. Junk was piled floor to ceiling, so it took a few days to go through everything. Now it's cleaned, painted, and J put in a new shelving system. The guest bedroom is eventually going to be Zee's "big girl" room, and we'll leave the nursery as is for a new baby, so we painted the closet pale apple green. I'll eventually paint the rest of the room pale pink. We'll be doing a bird theme in there...I have no idea why I chose birds! As soon as we finished the closet, J's parents came into town for a visit. It was nice to see them for the few days they were here. We're going to have to go up to Pennsylvania sometime to see them, especially since Zee hasn't been up there yet.

So the biggest news was that J had his knee surgery on Thursday. Everything went well, but the biggest shocker: turns out his meniscus wasn't torn after all! There were some minor superficial tears, but nothing that could be repaired. So basically, the surgery was pointless. We did get some nice pictures of his knee. He's recuperating and taking it easy. He got a month of convalescence leave, so he's pretty stoked about that (of course, lol).

So, that's what I've been busy with for the past week or so. It's going to only get busier here soon, since J will have to start physical therapy, and I'm going out of town next week. But hopefully things will calm down after I return. Until then, I probably won't be on here writing too much.