Dreams

Sometimes admitting our deepest desires really sets off a chain reaction. This is a story of dreams that do come true.

When I was a child, I wanted to be either a veterinarian or an obstetrician. Something about delivering babies called me. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that I come from a line of midwives...all of the women in my matriarchal line are very strong and capable women, and my aunt has worked in obstetrics for most of my life. I have been endlessly fascinated with birth, even before I ever thought about becoming pregnant.

When I went to college, I went for pre-med. Life happened, and I ended up joining the Navy as a linguist {of all things}. I met the love of my life, and we got married and had our beautiful daughters. My first pregnancy reawakened my love of pregnancy and birth. I went back to college after my oldest baby was a year old, and this time, I wanted to go into nursing. The plan was to become a L&D nurse then possibly a midwife.

Before the semester was out, Jay and I decided to have another baby, and...well...nursing school with a newborn wasn't ideal. The plan then was to go pre-med yet again. I KNEW I had a calling for birth work, and this was my next option to make that a reality. But...medical school no longer appealed to me. Not only did I not want to sacrifice my family for my dreams, but the medical model of care felt so wrong to me after having gone through pregnancy and birth myself.

And there it was. I couldn't decide, so I quickly finished college with the most ridiculous of all degrees {don't get me wrong, I love French, but it's not my calling}. And still this longing inside of me for more.

I had Maggie at home, with a certified professional midwife {CPM}, and it was a turning point. This was a new option for me to consider, and it was a much more realistic option. But...homebirth midwifery laws vary state-by-state. In some states, it's perfectly legal for CPMs to work. In other states, it is illegal. And in even other states, it's what is called alegal. There are no laws on the books for midwives, and they could technically be prosecuted, but the state tends to look the other way. With a husband in the military {and knot knowing where we would end up living}, this seemed like a risky path to follow. But it felt so right for me.

I was stuck. I knew what I wanted, but life was making it hard to accept that path. So I did what any normal person in my situation would do, and I decided to become a doula in the meantime.

My family, who are so generous and amazing, must have realized that this was the path for me. They paid for my doula workshop fee as a gift. See? I told you they were amazing! But...again life happened. Shortly after completing the workshop, I found out I was pregnant with my sweet youngest baby. Not only that, but Jay was deploying. So not the perfect time to become a doula. I set it to the side while I tended my family in our greatest time of need, and slowly my heart has been working its way back to birth work.

This brings me to the part where dreams come true!

I know that everyone believes differently, but I can't help but believe that there is a God, and that He is personally invested in each and every one of our lives. I know he has been guiding me towards my calling. Again and again, it comes back to me.

I took a trip out to Arizona in May. I went from May 14th through the 20th. And I remember this so vividly. I was thinking about my 20 year high school reunion {which is coming up quickly, much to my surprise...has it really been that long?!}, and I knew with all of my heart that I was going to be a midwife when that time came. I knew it beyond a shadow of a doubt. I spoke the words. I want to be a midwife. I had my moment of fuzzy heartedness, then I was brought back to reality.

I came back home on the 20th, and things quickly fell back into their normal patterns. I had just started a website to try to get my doula business up and running, and I really was convicted to start working on this. I knew I couldn't work on midwifery just yet, but I could definitely start attending births as a doula, just to get some experience. On May 27th, I started looking at local birth workers' websites to see if they had any local resources {chiropractors and whatnot} that I could link to on my own website. And lo and behold...it happened.

I was on a local CPM's website, and I saw the link. The "Interested in becoming a midwife?" link. And like a moth to a flame, I was drawn. I clicked on it. I truly thought it would be a link with information about becoming a midwife. But it wasn't.

It was an application. To become her apprentice.

I knew the time wasn't right. Jay is deploying again. I have no childcare. But none of it mattered, and I secretively filled it out, announcing to Jay, "I just did something." Then I hit the "submit" button.

"What did you do?" asked Jay.

And...failure. I received an error message saying that the page had possibly expired. "Oh, never mind," I said, a bit dejected. She must have already hired an apprentice, and the link was old. Expired. It was for the best, of course, because I had no business filling it out in the first place.

I later went to bed, and before turning out the lights, I quickly checked my emails. And...what's this? An email...from the midwife? THE midwife! "Thank you for your application. I am out of town, but I look forward to meeting with you to discuss expectations."

And I did meet with her. And I have been working with her for two months now. And it has been everything I ever imagined and more.

This week, I started college again. I am studying midwifery through Midwives College of Utah. It's going to be a few years of school and training, but I am prepared. Obviously God knew I was ready, and he placed me here. He placed that conviction in my heart, and he opened these doors for me.

I feel so extremely blessed. I don't know how many people have their deepest dreams come true, but I am so blessed that I have seen God's hand in my life. Everything I worried about has just...worked out. Almost as if it were magic. And I am now a student midwife. Those words make me smile.

Student midwife.

Dreams do come true.